Lawyers Dish the Dirt
from
July/August 2007
by Jennifer Doll
Judged.com is a website where attorneys anonymously post their insights and gripes. Here are excerpts about corporate law.
Before I began to practice law, I had the opinion of the plaintiff as the underdog. Now that I do employment defense work, I see that this is most often not the case. Literally 99 out of 100 plaintiffs that I deal with are lying, delusional, or worse. Terrible employees who were counseled about their work performance for years, given many chances to improve, and who are finally fired for poor performance or outright insubordination will turn around and sue, claiming the real reason for their termination was their age, race, sex, sexual orientation, national origin, etc. They get their lawyers on a contingent-fee basis, so they pay nothing. And even the most worthless plaintiff ends up with a settlement because it’s easier and cheaper to settle than to litigate through trial, and possibly appeal.
I had one case where the chief financial officer of a company embezzled over $200K. He was fired, of course, and should have been sent to jail. What did he do? He turned around, sued the employer, saying that they fired him because [of his nationality], not because he embezzled the money. The company had to pay him another $100K (and let him keep the $200K he embezzled), and had to agree to confidentiality so this guy could get another job as a CFO of another company. Well, at least it keeps me gainfully employed defending these cases.
—MeJD
This is in response to the following post: “We were at a firm event that was black-tie. One of the partners’ wives asked one of the newer lawyers in the firm to direct her to the restroom—she assumed that because he was black he was one of the wait staff. As far as I know, the partner never apologized for his wife.”
Given the fact that Fortune 500 companies are reassigning their business based on outside counsel’s diversity statistics, it’s finally in firms’ financial interest to understand and support diversity. There are plenty of folks who still need the training.
—Philagator
When I was a first-year associate and the grunt on each deal, I was given this good advice: Find the client’s in-house person who is a grunt too. Take that person to lunch or to a ballgame or event. Someday I would be a higher-level attorney, and the client grunt would be a higher-up at a client. That actually worked well for me.
—LargeFeet
LargeFeet has very good advice. The grunts love the attention and rarely get included on the free meals or free tickets and stuff. Grunts do eventually grow up and get promoted and become decision-makers.
—A1Princess60
Had a huge employment class action. We had to ask whether each plaintiff was suffering from diarrhea and other similar symptoms of emotional distress. As an employment lawyer, we routinely deal with “titillating” fodder and a laundry list of bodily functions. Nothing is shocking in the American workplace.
—Bitter
I knew that firm life was not my cup of tea. I’m in my seventh year working in-house at a Fortune 500 company. I have worked on a weekend only once and have always typically worked like 9 or 10 a.m. to 6 or 7 at the latest. I set my own schedule based on the assignments I have. Some companies will also let you telecommute from home two to three days a week. I love what I do and also feel it is the best situation for anyone wanting to have a family—or a life in general.
—chanelesq08
